


right where you left me

by doc_pickles



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fix It Fic, Pregnancy, Season 17, a taylor swift lyric for a title again? must be a day that ends in Y, post 16x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28013658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doc_pickles/pseuds/doc_pickles
Summary: Matches burn after the otherPages turn and stick to each otherWages earned and lessons learnedBut I'm right where you left me
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It’s finally heeeere! One of the reasons I waited so long to post this fic was because my brain wasn’t working but also this accidentally went from a one shot to 8k words... Oops. Since this got so big I’m going to post it in two parts. Here is part one, so I hope y’all enjoy! (and don’t say i never did anything for y’all)

Jo had just left Val’s room, her situation not improving and looking like it might get worse. The news had brought her to tears, her body desperately racking with sobs as she stood outside the hospital. She knew she probably looked crazy, she  _ felt _ crazy, but the day had been too much for her. 

The thing that terrified Jo about Val’s situation was that she could place herself there in an instant. Val was pregnant and scared and alone and because of that Luna might not have her mother around. Her mind drifted to the little life growing inside of her, hand flitting down the swell of her stomach as she sat on a bench and gasped for air. What if she died and her child didn’t have anyone? What if she was fighting for her life and her baby was in an incubator alone and scared? 

Logically she knew that wouldn’t happen, her friends and coworkers would make sure her baby was taken care of. And Alex… well she still needed to tell him, but she knew he’d step up and take care of their child despite what had happened between them. 

That particular thought brought another round of tears to Jo’s eyes, her heart aching at the fact that she had to call Alex and tell him that they were having a baby instead of coming up with some stupid cheesy way to tell him when he came home from work. They’d been trying, maybe not with any conscious effort but she’d gone off her birth control after coming back from treatment and he hadn’t restocked on condoms and well… If there was anything Alex and Jo were good at it was finding time to have sex. They’d even managed to find time for a quick round in the shower the morning he left.She missed him, after all the shit he’d put her through she missed him so much. She chalked it up to her hormones, but Jo would give a lot to see Alex again. 

“I’m so sorry to intrude, but are you okay? I know we’re supposed to keep our distance but you look like you could use a hug.”

Jo looked to the woman who now stood in front of her. She was bundled up in a dark pea coat and a grey woolen cap that covered her whole head except a few blonde curls that managed to sneak out. She couldn’t make out any discernible features through the woman’s pink striped face mask, but her dark brown eyes looked friendly enough. 

“I’m just having… a really shitty year,” Jo threw her hands out in exasperation, another sob coming up as the woman sat next to her on the wooden bench. “I have this patient and she’s basically dying and she has this… this beautiful little daughter in the NICU and her baby has no one else and it’s just… What if my baby ends up like that? I mean my husband already up and left me to move halfway across the country, wouldn’t me dying from COVID or something just as horrible really be the cherry on top of this disastrous year?”

The woman places a hand on Jo’s shoulder, the small amount of human interaction soothing her soul as the stranger begins to speak, “You have a good heart, I can tell. Who else would be this concerned about someone else’s baby?”

A chuckle escapes Jo as she thinks in her head that her newfound empathy is a direct result of her pregnancy hormones, “Not me usually, but impending motherhood and the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life has turned me into a softie.”

“I get it, when I saw my kids for the first time my whole life changed. My heart just…,” the woman paused, then let out a laugh. “You know in the Grinch? When his heart grows three sizes? That’s what holding my babies for the first time felt like.”

Jo settles a hand onto her slightly rounded stomach, wondering if that’s the reason Alex hadn’t come home. If he’d been so overwhelmed with love for his kids that he just couldn’t leave. She’d never considered the possibility, but now that she did her own heart cracked a bit at the thought. 

“I just… I never thought I’d be going through this alone. My husband, he’s so good with kids and he’d wanted them for so long and I was finally ready,” Jo wiped at her eyes as she stared up at the sky, willing her tears to stop just for a moment. “And then he left because he found out he already has kids with his ex. So of course that’s when I would get pregnant, right? Right when things were about to change and we were going to get everything we wanted, he left.”

There was a pause that let Jo collect herself, blinking back her tears before she really had a meltdown in front of this complete stranger. She brushed her coat off, standing and facing the woman on the bench who was staring curiously at Jo. 

“Thank you, for letting me vent. I really needed it,” Jo sighed, running a hand through her unruly hair as she straightened her face mask. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a NICU baby to go and check on.”

Jo walked back into the hospital feeling lighter than she had in weeks, the kindness of the stranger she’d met lifting her spirits as she journeyed upstairs. She would be okay, her baby would be fine, and Luna’s situation would resolve itself no matter Val’s outcome.

_

“Alex!”   
  
Standing outside Meredith’s hospital room, Alex turned at the sound of Izzie’s voice. He was grateful she’d offered to come with him to Seattle for emotional support, but he was so lost in his thoughts that he’d barely registered her presence. 

“Hey Iz, I just checked on her. They won’t let me in, but she’s doing good,” Alex let a chuckle out as he looked to Meredith’s sleeping form. “She was shocked to see me but the grin she got on her face… It was priceless.”   
  
“I think you should stay in Seattle.”   
  


There’s a momentary silence as Alex tries to absorb what Izzie’s said to him. Why the hell would he come back here when his kids were in Kansas? Sure he loved Meredith and her kids… and Jo too, he loved her more than anything. But none of that mattered anymore, his kids were his first priority and he wouldn’t let them down. 

“I just think… maybe you should consider it,” Izzie kept speaking before he could even get a word in, her tone making him listen intently. “I love that you’re there for Eli and Alexis, but they’ll be fine only seeing you on holidays and during the summer. I just think you’re needed here, by more people than just Meredith.”

“Iz I-”

“Go up to the NICU, just trust me,” Izzie looks at him, eyes shining with unshed tears as they meet his. He notices that she doesn’t look sad, she looks relieved, happy almost as she speaks to him. “Go to the NICU and if your answer is still the same when you come back then fine. But just… I think it’s important for you to go and see what you’re missing.” 

Izzie doesn’t say anything else, settling into a visitor’s chair in the hallway and bringing out the scarf she’d been working on since they’d left Kansas. Alex knows better than to ask questions when she’s this adamant about things, instead letting his feet carry him on the all too familiar path towards the NICU. He missed it if he were honest, being chief of a huge hospital didn’t give him much time to go up and stare at the babies in their plastic incubators anymore. But the room had always been soothing to him, it’s where he’d realized that he wanted to be a Peds surgeon and for that he’d always be grateful. 

When he approaches the room he sees exactly what Izzie had been steering him towards. She’s walking out of the NICU, stripping out of the cumbersome PPE she’d had to wear inside and back down to her scrubs. Her hair tumbles out of the messy bun it’d been in but she seems unaffected as she smoothes down the creases in her navy colored scrubs. 

That’s when he notices it, the slight swell of her stomach straining against the dark fabric as she reaches up to adjust her face mask. His breathing hitches as his eyes stay glued to her abdomen. After looking at her for almost every day of the past eight years, Alex considered himself an expert on Jo’s body and he knew that the small bump was not there the last time he saw her. 

When she turns towards him finally she freezes, eyes wide as they stand across from one another. Their eyes meet for the first time in months and all Alex wants to do is surge forward and bring Jo into a tight hug. He knows he can’t, she would probably punch him in the face if he got within 3 feet of her, but he can dream, right? She’s blinking at him in confusion as if his presence genuinely doesn’t compute in her brain. 

“Alex.”

-

She’s not sure if she’s hallucinating the sight of her ex husband in front of her, but he’s standing there in that stupid black jacket looking at her as if it were for the first time. Her heart is racing, telling her to run to him and hug him tight and not let go. Her brain talks her out of it, instead carrying her forward to stand a few feet in front of him. Jo doesn’t know where her courage comes from, but she hears herself speak first. 

“What’re you doing here?”

Her tone isn’t angry or upset like she’d thought it would be, instead carrying a neutral tone to it as she takes in Alex. His eyes are scanning over her too and she knows that he’s going to catch on to the fact that something is different about her. He knew her well enough, it wouldn’t take him long. 

“I’m Mer’s healthcare proxy still, I’m gonna hang around until she’s out of the woods,” Alex’s eyes finally come up to meet her again, his fingers reaching out to grab at her hand. “Can we… Can we talk?”

Her heart wins out that time, fingers lacing with Alex’s as she nods and lets him lead her down the hallway. Jo doesn’t know what she’s going to say, doesn’t know what Alex is going to say, but the feeling of his hand pressed against hers is a relief she can’t quite explain. 

When they enter the empty on call room, Jo sits herself on one of the beds, her eyes watching her feet as she rips her face mask away. The cool air of the room gives her lungs a needed reprieve as she focuses on anything except Alex. 

“How far along are you?”

Her heart stops then, eyes darting up to Alex in panic. He’d already figured it out, already realized that she was pregnant before she even had a chance to say anything to him. Fear builds up inside her as she desperately hopes that he doesn’t think she’s been hiding from him on purpose. 

“12 weeks… I haven’t known for that long, I was avoiding it for awhile,” her fingers nervously tangle together as she wills back another round of tears. She’s not going to cry in front of him, she’s stronger than that. “I swear I was going to tell you, I just-”

“I’m not mad, take a breath Jo,” Alex was kneeling in front of her, placing his hands over her own shaking ones as he looked her over. She couldn’t meet his eyes, her own letting hot tears stream down her face no matter how hard she tried to stop them. “Hey don’t cry, I’m not mad. It’s okay, there’s no reason to cry.”

“There is though! There is because you left! You left without a second thought. You didn’t even call, couldn’t even look me in the eye and tell me,” Jo looks up then, meeting his eyes that are now displaying a sad expression. “You left Alex. Nothing changes that, not a baby or a pandemic or anything else. You left me.”

He sighs then, his head hanging low as he takes a deep breath. The all too familiar instinct in Jo wants to hold him close and run her fingers through his hair, but she keeps reminding herself that he’s the one that got them there, not her, “I know I left and I’ve regretted it every day since. I wish I could take it back and talk with you and-”

“You can’t though! You can’t take back what you did, you can’t take back leaving me for Izzie,” Jo pulls her hands out of his grasp then, running them delicately through her hair as she tries to get a grip on her emotions. “You can’t just waltz back in here and pretend a simple apology is going to fix everything because it’s not.”

There’s a thick silence then, the only sounds between the two are their heavy breathing. Jo’s mind is racing and Alex… well Jo is sure that if he didn’t feel guilty before that he definitely does now. She lets her eyes close for a moment, ignoring the tense air and the presence of her ex husband so that she can collect her thoughts. 

“I wanna be there, for you and the baby, you know,” Alex’s voice is soft and laced with trepidation as if he might say the wrong thing. “I’m… Izzie is gonna send the kids for summers so I can come back here. And I’m never gonna stop apologizing for-”

“Fine, you can help with the baby but that’s it. I can’t… I can’t do this again. I can’t trust you anymore,” she knows the words are cruel, but they’re true. The moment she opened the letter he’d written Jo had lost all trust in Alex. “You can be there for the baby, I won’t keep you away, but I don’t need you anymore. I  _ can’t  _ need you anymore.”

She stands and leaves then, knowing if she stays any longer she’ll say something she regrets. She’s full of anger and hurt, but more than anything she wishes she could turn around and fold herself into Alex’s arms for hours on end.

+

There’s something wrong _. _

As soon as she wakes up in the middle of the night, Jo knows something is wrong. She sits up and turns on the side lamp, not feeling any different but knowing deep down that something had changed. She almost rolled over and went back to sleep, but her fingers brushed against something cool on her sheets. When she looks down at her hand, her heart stops. 

_ Blood _ . 

Her fingers were bright red as she looked down at them, heart hammering loudly in her ears as she tried to make sense of what was happening. She’d been fine when she went to bed just a few hours earlier and now her sheets were covered in blood. 

“No no no, please no,” Jo’s voice was barely audible as she reached one hand out towards her phone, blindly dialing the number she knew by heart. “Please god no.”

“Jo? It’s two in the morning.”

“I know but I-”

Her voice cracks then, not able to make out any other words as she stares at the pool of blood on her white sheets. She could hear him clattering around on the other end, the sound of keys jangling and his front door opening and closing. 

“I’m coming, I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

Really he's there in 10, sliding the door to the loft open and finding Jo sitting up in the same spot she had been when she’d called. As soon as she sees him across the darkened loft she really cracks, a loud sob breaking through her as Alex rushes to her side, his eyes immediately taking in the blood stained sheets. His arms are around her in seconds, pulling her into his chest as heavy sobs wracked her body. 

“Hey, deep breaths it’s okay,” Alex’s fingers are under her chin, tilting her head up and meeting her eyes. She’s terrified, her heart beating out of time, but Alex’s calm demeanor slows her breathing down and gets her to focus on him. “Go rinse off and then I’ll take you in. Okay?” 

Jo nods, trusting Alex’s words as she walks silently to the bathroom and strips out of her clothes. She climbs into the shower, letting the hot water calm her only slightly as her fingers float down to her swollen belly. At 15 weeks she’d thought she’d left her worries behind in the first trimester, but the cold reality of the real world had decided to slap her across the face tonight. As she stands under the warm spray she prays to any god that might be out there to keep the baby resting in her womb safe where they are. 

“You okay? Jo?”

Alex’s voice sounding outside the bathroom door snaps Jo out of her thoughts, her burning skin telling her she’d been in there for longer than she’d thought. She responds quickly, letting Alex know she was still alive before shutting the water off and grabbing a towel to wrap around herself. Jo realizes that she hadn’t even noticed him putting a pair of sweatpants and one of his old t-shirts in the bathroom for her. She quickly pulled the clothing on, exiting the bathroom to find Alex gathering up her bedsheets and throwing them into the laundry hamper. 

“Hey,” Alex’s tone is laced with concern and care as he steps towards her. She’s barely talked to him in the few weeks he’d been back in Seattle, but Jo can’t resist folding herself into the comfort of his arms as hot tears begin to stream down her face. “Hey it’s okay, everything is gonna be okay.”

Jo hadn’t changed her mind on what she’d told Alex when he’d found out about the baby, but as she faced the possibility that they might lose their child all she wanted was his comfort. His arms settled around her waist, one hand curling towards her stomach to let his fingers brush across the bump there. 

“Let me take you in, we’ll get you checked out and everything will be okay,” Alex’s voice is muffled as he presses his lips into her hair. Jo blindly nods, not moving from her place against Alex’s chest. “You’re gonna be okay, you’re not bleeding anymore right?”

Jo shakes her head in answer, her body curling closer to Alex’s as she thought about going in and being told her baby hadn’t made it. 

“That’s a good thing. Come on,” when Jo still makes no move to leave his embrace, Alex leans back and looks down at her, eyes scanning her face somberly. “I’ll stay with you the whole time, okay?”

Jo lets Alex lead her out of the loft and down to his car that’s parked haphazardly in the lot. The drive seems to take twice as long as usual, Jo’s hand never leaving Alex’s grip as she watches the scenery of Seattle pass by in a blur. Her free hand subconsciously wraps around her belly, hoping for the flutters she’d felt the past few days to return. 

Before she can comprehend what’s happening around her, Jo is sitting in an exam room waiting for the OB on call to see her. She doesn’t remember walking out of the car or coming into the hospital, she doesn’t remember changing into the sterile smelling hospital gown or answering whatever intake questions were asked of her. She figures Alex had taken care of that, his hand still clasped in hers as he sits in the chair next to the exam bed. 

“I’m still here, I’m not leaving,” Alex’s voice soothes her nerves, as if he can hear the exact thoughts running through her head at the moment. “I’m not leaving Jo.”

And he doesn’t. The OB comes in and performs a quick physical exam before she powers on the ultrasound machine. Jo lays back, eyes closed in a combination of fear and anxiety as she feels the probe slide around her abdomen. She doesn’t want to see the woman’s face when she tells her that her baby isn’t alive anymore. 

And then, there’s a booming sound that echoes through the room. Jo’s eyes flash open and look towards the screen, the black and white image of her uterus showing a baby that won’t stop moving around. The heartbeat booms again and it takes everything in her not to break down and cry tears of joy. 

“I told you it would be okay,” Alex’s voice is soft and filled with emotion as he squeezes her hand, his lips involuntarily pressing against her forehead. “See, they're fine. You’re both fine.”

The OB spouts off something or another but all Jo hears is that she and the baby are okay. She needs to stay off her feet for a few days but she’ll be fine. Her heart returns to normal as the woman leaves the room, hands coming up to cover her face as a fresh round of tears begin to float down her cheeks. 

“Come here, you’re okay,” Alex envelops her in his arms once more, Jo pressing herself tightly against him as she let her tears flow. They weren’t sad or scared anymore, the tears she was crying now were ones of relief and joy. “Get dressed and I'll take you home okay? I’m gonna go get you discharged.”

Quickly changing back into her clothes, Jo sat on the edge of the exam table reflecting on her night so far. The terrified feeling she’d had when she saw her blood stained sheets hadn’t gone away unless Alex was holding her in his arms, his soothing words and physical presence doing more to put her mind at ease than any of her years of experience as a doctor. Her fingers moved to her stomach as she felt a light flutter, her baby making sure she knew she wasn’t alone. 

“You ready? You’re all set to get out of here and crawl back in bed,” as soon as he had stepped back into the room, Alex laced his fingers with Jo’s and squeezed her hand reassuringly. 

“I don’t want to go home,” Jo shook her head, eyes moving to Alex’s as she took a deep breath. “I don’t want to go back to sleep in my bed. Please.”

“Okay, I won’t take you home,” Alex pulled Jo up and into his chest, one arm wrapping around her shoulders as they walked out of the ER. 

The constant comfort of Alex’s skin against hers is the only thing that keeps Jo stable as he drives away from the hospital. One hand is on the steering wheel but the other is still grasping tightly to Jo’s hand. She thinks he knows how calming his presence is, how at ease he makes her feel when everything around her is uncertain. He’d never say anything but she knew that he could read her thoughts so clearly. 

They pull up outside of an apartment complex just a few blocks from the loft. Jo realizes then that she’s never been to Alex’s apartment, she’s never had a reason to before now. She lets him lead her inside and upstairs, opening the front door of the small one bedroom apartment. There’s still boxes around the living room, some she’d even packed herself in her haste to get rid of anything that reminded her of Alex. 

His hand is on her back as she walks into his bedroom, an empty shell of a room besides the bed frame, bedside table and dresser. Jo takes in the two pictures on the nightstand, the first is of Alex sandwiched between two young children that she knows to be his kids, all three wearing matching crooked smiles. The second is an all too familiar picture frame wrapped up with a red bow. She knows if she looks on the back of it that she’ll see her own handwriting penned in gold ink, but she doesn’t dare to do this now. Instead she settles herself on the edge of the bed, watching silently as Alex kicks his shoes off into the corner of the room before gently removing her own slippers and placing them next to his. 

“You can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch,” Alex’s voice snapped Jo out of her daze, her fingers reaching back out to him as he moved away from her. She doesn’t say anything as she wraps herself in his covers, staring up at him silently and waiting for him to join her.

When he finally does climb into bed Jo waits a moment before curling her body around his, her fingers clutching his shirt tightly. It’s not until Alex’s fingers brush across her stomach that she breaks down, letting her sobs fill the air as he holds her close. She’s relieved, of course she is, but she doesn’t think she’s let her emotions properly air out. So she cries and she lets herself be vulnerable in Alex’s arms and for just a few hours, everything seems like it’s going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the fastest I’ve ever finished a two part series haha. I honestly thought I was done Saturday but decided to add some more to it and the whole thing ended up being almost 9K words so.... I hope you guys enjoyed this! I had a lot of requests for this fic and I really enjoyed writing it :)

Sunday 10:38 AM

_ You two doing good? _

doing fine, just a little tired

_ Need me to bring anything by? I’m off at 2  _

I think we’re okay, i’ll text if I think of anything

thank you :)

_ No problem. Talk soon.  _

Sunday 11:15 AM

_ I’m going to grab a late lunch. Do you want anything?  _

Sunday 11:52 AM

_ Heading into surgery, shouldn’t be too long.  _

Sunday 1:47 PM 

_ About to head out.  _

Sunday 2:08 PM

Missed Call from Alex

Sunday 2:15 PM

Missed Call from Alex

Sunday 2:22 PM

_ You okay? I’m getting worried  _

Sunday 2:39 PM

_ On my way over.  _

Sunday 2:45 PM

Missed Call from Alex

Jo is exhausted if she's honest with herself. At six months pregnant she’d thought that things would get easier from here on out, but she’d been foolishly wrong. She’d been dealing with a nasty resurgence of her morning sickness the past three days and her once abounding second trimester energy had now dwindled down to practically nothing. After leaving work the day before she’d barely gotten out of bed, only leaving the warm blankets to go to the bathroom or grab a snack. 

She’s laying in bed, finally settled down after another bout of morning sickness, when the door to the loft slides open loudly. She ignores it at first, knowing it’s probably Alex coming to check on her, but she bolts up from her position in bed when he starts practically screaming. 

“Jesus Christ Jo! I thought you were dead, you can’t reply to a text or pick up your damn phone,” Alex is clearly frantic as he paces the loft, barely acknowledging Jo’s presence. “I’ve been worried sick about you.” 

“I’m sick Alex, I’ve either been asleep or throwing up since I texted you,” Jo’s voice had an edge to it as she stared Alex down. “And I don’t need you coming in here and trying to guilt trip me or whatever this is.”

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m trying to make sure you and our kid aren’t dead!”

“Well now that you know we aren’t you can leave Alex. You probably wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Meredith getting sick,” Jo could feel her anger boiling as she looked at Alex. She knew her words were a low blow, but her anger and her hormones won out as she continued to yell at him. “I am more than capable of taking care of myself and our son without you constantly keeping tabs on us. That’s not your job anymore, you’re not my husband! You’re just the guy who knocked me up and then left for three months after telling me for years that you would never leave. You left and you weren’t coming back and the only reason you did is because I’m pregnant. If I wasn’t then you wouldn’t be here acting like you care… Do you think I don’t realize that? I get it, I’m nothing to you anymore and you’re only here for the baby. Well your son is fine and I’m fine too so please just get out.”

There was a moment of silence as Jo and Alex stared at each other, her eyes alight with anger and frustration. She settled herself back into bed with her back facing the door, holding her breath until she heard the door to the loft slide shut again and Alex’s footsteps retreat downstairs. When she finally released the breath she had been holding, a shaking round of tears followed it. 

She didn’t know if she believed the words she’d spat at Alex, at one point she did but now she wasn’t so sure. He’d shown her over and over that he genuinely cared for her outside of his parental responsibilities to their son, even if he had left her behind. In truth, no matter how many therapy sessions she went to or how much her and Alex talked things out there was still a gaping hole in her chest created by the man she loved. She’d work through it, she always did, but right now all she wanted was sleep. 

-

She sleeps for three hours, the longest stretch in the past few days that she’s been able to manage without throwing up. When she finally wakes her stomach is growling at her which almost makes her roll her eyes because she hasn’t been able to keep anything down lately. Jo slowly rolls out of bed and heads to the kitchen to find something to eat, but instead stops at the sight of her dining table. 

There’s a large bouquet of tulips, her favorite flowers, along with ginger ale, soup, and her favorite snacks. Next to that she spots the tiniest blue striped onesie she’s ever seen, the sight bringing tears to her eyes. As she scans the spread once more, she grabs the card on the flowers and reads the barely legible writing. 

_ Jo, _

_ I’m sorry for the past few months. I know I’ve put you through hell but I’m trying my hardest to make it up to you and I promise I won’t stop trying. I’m a better man because of you and I hope I can be that man for you and our son.  _

_ Alex _

Wiping up her tears, Jo grabs her car keys and heads down to her car. She knows she probably looks a hot mess but she drives the few blocks to Alex’s apartment anyways, barely noticing the thick sheets of rain that soak her thin pajamas as she bolts from her car into the brick building. 

When Alex opens the door, she knows she looks insane but she forces the words out before he can say anything, “I’m sorry for snapping at you, you didn’t deserve that. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean because I was angry and my emotions are all over the place. That doesn’t make it right, it’s just… I’ve had a hard time lately. With everything. And I lashed out at you and I shouldn’t have.”

Alex stared at Jo for a moment before stepping into the hallway and pulling her into his embrace, “I’m sorry too, for freaking out on you, that’s the last thing you need right now. I meant what I said, I do want to be better for you. For both of you.”

“And I’m sorry for telling you that we’re having a boy by yelling it across the room at you,” Jo let a quiet laugh out as she looked up at Alex, a blush forming on her cheeks. “Maybe we can just talk things out from now on? And try to contain our tempers. Oh god, I hope our kid doesn’t have a temper.”

Alex chuckled, pressing a light kiss to Jo’s hair as he ushered her inside his apartment, “He's probably going to but you can teach him how to throw stuffed animals at the wall.” 

+

“Hey, how’s your day going,” Jo tried to act as casual as she could as she leaned against the wall next to Alex who was typing up something in a chart. “Just out of curiosity, you know for a patient, how do you tell the difference between Braxton Hicks and real contractions?”

Alex’s head whipped up, eyes moving from Jo’s bump to her face. She had kept a calm demeanor as she left her surgery early, but now standing next to him she felt nervous, “You’re having contractions? Are you in labor?”

“If I knew that I wouldn’t be asking you would I,” Jo huffed as she pressed her hand against her stomach. The movement didn’t seem to calm Alex as he stared her down, his own hand coming up to sit right above hers on her belly. “I don’t think I am, I’ve just been super uncomfortable since last night. I spent an hour just sitting on the couch because I was in so much pain I couldn’t move. Actually I was kinda convinced I might just give birth then and there, but my pain went away and I got a few hours of sleep.”

Alex pressed his hand against Jo’s back as he led her down the hallway, his eyes not leaving her as they walked, “I don’t like you being alone in there all the time. What if you had actually gone into labor?”

“Then I would’ve called you.”

“And what if you couldn’t reach your phone? Or you lost too much blood and passed out,” Alex stopped walking and braced his hands on Jo’s shoulders. “I’m just worried about you and the baby. You know I always am, especially with your due date being so close.”

Eyes narrowing, Jo reflected on the past few months as she stared Alex down. After their blowout fight, Alex and her had begun to slowly work on their relationship and building it back up. It wasn’t an easy task, there had been a lot of yelling and crying and talking through things, but she was happy with where they were as the weeks leading up to their son’s arrival dwindled away on the calendar. She didn’t know what the future held for them, but she was content to just have him by her side for now. 

“Well I’m not moving out of the loft if that’s what you’re insinuating,” Jo crossed her arms across her chest. “I know you’re worried but I’ll be fine.”

Alex fixed her with a serious stare, one hand coming back down to her growing bump, “Well then I'll move in, I mean if that’s okay with you. I really don’t want you to be alone and I can help when he gets here. I’ll even sleep on the couch.”

A groan left Jo as she looked up at Alex. She appreciated his help, but she didn’t need to be under constant supervision, “Alex, I’m fine. I love that you’re worried, but I don’t need a babysitter. Now I am going to go home and take a long nap, I’ll see you later.”

Jo walked away from Alex, not letting him get another word in as she headed for the residents lounge to grab her things. She knew being due next month meant that things would only get harder from here on out, but she was determined to do as much as she could by herself. 

-

“Jo? I brought you dinner.”

Jo’s head popped up from her position leaning against the back of the couch, her body protesting at the sudden movement. She held back the groan she wanted to release as she watched Alex throw a takeout bag onto the kitchen counter. She’d been trying to relieve the pain that had been building in her back all day, but it seemed to have heightened as soon as she got home. 

“Hey, sorry for barging in but I figured you were hungry,” Alex eyed Jo for a moment, brows crinkling when she didn’t verbally answer him. “You okay? You look a little pale.”

Jo nodded, but immediately dropped her head to her hands and let out the loud, pained groan she’d tried so hard to hold back. Her hips and back were on fire, the baby’s positioning not helping matters at all. As she tried to hold back another frustrated moan, Alex came up behind her and settled his hands on her lower back, fingers working down into her skin to release some of the pressure building there. The feeling was the first relief she’d felt all day, prompting her to immediately burst into tears. For his part, Alex was unfazed by Jo’s outburst, his fingers continuing to rub her back as she let out loud sobs. 

“Hey, look at me,” Alex’s voice rang out softly after a few minutes, prompting Jo to turn and meet his eyes as he held her close. She cursed her heart as it beat out of time, stuttering at the intimacy of her and Alex’s positioning. “You don’t have to do all of this on your own. I know you can, but I’m here and I want to help you. Will you let me help?”

Pressing her head against Alex’s chest, Jo nodded as she took a deep breath. She hated to admit it, but Alex was right, she did need a little help. She hadn’t slept properly in days, her back was on fire, and her Braxton Hicks were coming at an almost constant rate now. More than anything, Jo just needed someone to support her and Alex was the best person for that role. 

“Good, now let’s get you in bed. You look like you haven’t slept in a week,” Alex chuckled as he pressed a kiss to her head. The small move sparked something in Jo, despite Alex having done it more than once since returning home. Her fingers curled into his shirt, eyes turning up to meet his with a dark glint behind them. “What? What’s that look for?”

Before he could say anything else, Jo moved one hand to tangle in his hair and bring his lips down to hers. The feeling was indescribable, something she’d craved since she had dropped him off at the airport so many months ago. As if sensing the same thing, Alex kissed her back hungrily, his fingers readily finding purchase against her hips. After a moment, he pulled back and met her eyes. 

“You were just crying and now you’re kissing me,” Alex chuckled, brushing back a strand of hair from her face. “I think you do need to get some sleep.”

“Will you lay down with me, I haven’t been able to sleep for like three days,” Jo’s eyes were pleading with Alex as she crawled under the covers. “He calms down when you’re around, I might actually be able to sleep for more than an hour.”

Alex obliged, kicking his shoes off and crawling into the other side of the bed. As he wrapped one arm around Jo’s expanding stomach, she closed her eyes and let her mind believe that this was a normal day for them. That they’d come home from work and were settling in for the night, that they didn’t sleep in separate apartments, that they weren’t divorced and Alex had never left. For a moment Jo let herself believe everything was okay. 

Those thoughts and Alex’s presence lulled Jo into the most peaceful sleep she’d gotten in weeks. Her mind drifted off, letting her aching body rest and giving her much needed relief. 

-

“He’s gonna be in the bassinet for the first few months, I don’t see why you insist on setting up the crib now,” Jo groaned as she sat herself on the couch, propping her bare feet up on the coffee table. “Can you just shove your clothes in the dresser and come sit down? Your nagging has exhausted me.”

A chuckle leaves Alex as he settles himself across the couch from Jo, reaching for her feet and pulling them into his lap, “Sorry that all of my heavy lifting and asking you where I should put things has bothered you.”

A noncommittal groan left Jo as her eyes fluttered closed, one hand floating down to her bump as Alex rubbed her swollen feet. He’d been at the loft every night since their agreement last week, making sure that he was able to help Jo sleep and stopping their son from keeping her up all night. Jo was thankful for the reprieve, even more thankful when Alex hadn’t batted an eye at her request for help relieving some of her more…  _ primal _ urges that had sparked since her raging hormones had taken over her body. She’d fight anyone that insinuated that her and Alex were together, because they definitely weren’t, but she had a hard time denying the fact that sex with him was just as great if not better than it had always been. 

Even being so far along in her pregnancy, Alex seemed to know what her body craved even more than she did. The way that they still worked so well on a physical level was no shock to Jo, but Alex’s uncanny ability to make her come undone and feel completely satisfied still shocked her. The first time they’d had sex again Jo had come three times before he’d even taken his pants off. 

“You want me to order dinner? We can get Chinese if you want,” Jo barely registered Alex’s voice as his fingers moved across her skin. She could tell her body was already reacting to the feeling of him so close to her, her mind desperately trying to fight off the growing heat between her legs. “Jooooo? You in there?”

Jo peeks her eyes open, meeting Alex’s gaze with a grin. She moves one hand to grab his shirt and pull him closer to her, a chuckle leaving him as he understands exactly what she’s asking for. 

“You’re insatiable,” Alex’s tone is light as his lips trail down to Jo’s neck. “I wouldn’t be shocked if sex is what sends you into labor.”

“Your dirty talk needs some work,” Jo groans as one of Alex’s hands trails up her body to brush against her breast. “But you might have a point…”

+

When Jo rolls over to glance at the clock, she's beyond frustrated that it tells her it’s midnight. She’d fallen asleep not even two hours ago after tossing and turning for 45 minutes trying to get comfortable between intermittent Braxton Hicks contractions. Resigning herself to another night of insomnia, she rolls out of bed and heads for the bathroom. 

“You know, you’re being a real pain in the ass,” Jo groans as she looks down to her belly, a kick hitting her bladder as she flips on the bathroom light. “Yeah, you’re definitely a Karev.”

Finishing up in the bathroom, Jo walks quietly back to bed and settles herself above the covers. She knew she’d have to pee again soon and didn’t want to bother climbing all the way into bed again only to climb right back out. 

After her scare early on in her pregnancy, Jo was just grateful to be carrying her baby still. But with only a few days left until her due date, she was growing more and more frustrated as her body began to prepare for labor. She hated how she couldn’t go more than an hour or two without feeling like she was going to pee her pants, how her back was constantly in pain no matter how she laid herself across the bed, how her son was now so large that even taking a deep breath was a monumental task. 

It didn’t help that she’d been on maternity leave for the past two weeks and had been home alone bored out of her mind most of the time. She’d cleaned the loft, organized both her and Alex’s dressers, washed and folded all of the baby clothes, and watched every season of Friends. Jo almost wanted to go into labor just to have something to do that wasn’t cleaning. 

Just as she’d predicted her bladder began screaming at her once again, prompting Jo to pull herself off of the bed and head back towards the bathroom. To her shock however, a loud pop sounded as soon as she stood, her feet instantly soaked by the rush of liquid now pooling on the ground. 

“Alex… Alex! Wake up,” Jo tossed her pillow at Alex’s sleeping form across the bed, watching as he slowly began to wake. She felt bad knowing he’d just come off a long shift the night before, but she needed him. “Alex!”

The lights in the bedroom flicked on as Jo let out a low groan and reached for the edge of the bed, a sharp pain running through her stomach as she clenched the blankets tightly. A warm hand settled on her back, calming Jo slightly as her mind began to race, “How long have you been up?”

“Twenty minutes, but my water just broke,” Jo took a deep breath as she blindly reached for Alex’s hand. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t be sorry, what else am I gonna do right now,” Alex pressed a kiss against the side of Jo’s head as his hand continued to rub soothing circles into her back. “Will you be okay if I go throw the bags in the car real quick?”

Jo nods at him, but as soon as his hands aren’t on her anymore she wants to call out and bring him back to her. She’d gotten used to being so close to Alex, his hands constantly near her as he rubbed her aching feet or back and moved his hand across her belly to feel the baby’s movements. She’d even made it a habit of curling up next to him when he crawled into bed after a long shift, his hands always moving to pull her closer as she buried her face into his chest. When he’d moved back into the loft to make things easier when the baby came she’d been hesitant, but Jo couldn’t help how comforting she found his presence. 

“Cars packed and I called the hospital so they know we’re on our way,” Jo looked up, Alex’s voice startling her out of her thoughts. His hands fell to her lower back again as she leaned against his chest, the feeling relaxing Jo as another contraction rushed through her body. “Those are pretty close together, how long have you been having contractions?”

“On and off since you left for work yesterday morning,” a groan left Jo as she braced her hands on Alex’s shoulders, the pain radiating through her stomach growing stronger. “Nothing this bad though.” 

“Well let’s get going then, I’d like to avoid you giving birth in my car,” a small chuckle left Jo as Alex led her out of the loft. The next time they’d walk through the doors they’d have a baby with them. “Hey I was wrong! Sex didn’t put you into labor!”

“Shut up Alex.”

+

The exhaustion that falls over Jo as she leans into Alex is only surpassed by her joy at the squirming bundle that’s being placed on her chest. A head of dark curls greets her as she presses the infant close to her, fingers coming up to brush the soft skin of her son's cheek. 

“You’re here, you’re real,” Jo laughs wetly as she looks down at the baby in her arms,  _ her son _ , tears instantly welling in her eyes. “Oh my god your head is huge.” 

“Sorry about that, that’s my bad,” Alex’s voice rings out from behind her, prompting Jo to shift closer to him as he presses one hand on the baby’s back and another against her arm in a comforting gesture. “You did so good, you’re a freaking rockstar.”

As she sits with her newborn snuggled against her and Alex’s arms wrapped around her, Jo thinks that she could stay right there forever. The pain, the heartbreak, the worry, all of it fades as she relishes in the feeling of the two people she loves most by her side. She’d been through so much in her life, lows she never wanted to relive, highs she would remember forever. All of it seems to pass by her eyes in a flash as she zones into this moment, the one moment she’s sure she’ll never forget as long as she lives. 

In a second, without warning, Jo realizes that nothing else mattered. What had happened before, the grudges she’d held, the words spoken and not between her and Alex over the past year didn’t matter. He was here, with her and with their son and she knew he wasn’t leaving. He didn’t have to say it, didn’t have to promise anything or beg for her to let him in. His arms holding her close and his fingers brushing at their son’s curls reminded her that things had changed so much already. 

“I love you,” Jo whispers as she lays her head on Alex’s chest, her eyes still trained on the baby in her arms. “I love you so much Alex.”

There’s a pause, a stillness in the air as Alex freezes next to her. The words that they’d exchanged so freely before now held a heavier meaning, they meant more this time around. His fingers moving slowly up and down her arm stop for a moment, continuing again as he presses a kiss to her temple, “I love you too Jo.”

She doesn’t know how long they sit like that, both of them staring down in awe at the little boy they’d created together. Alex tells him about how he was certain that they’d conceived him in the backseat of his car, Jo chuckling at the ridiculous story as her eyes fought to stay open. She’d been in labor for almost five hours and had been pushing for another, the event taking its toll on her as she leaned against Alex and shut her eyes. 

“You sleep, I'll take him and we’ll be here when you wake up,” Alex grabs the infant from her arms, Jo peeking her eyes open to marvel at the sight of their son nuzzled against him. “Tell mama to take a nap, she deserves it.”

Jo watches the two for a moment more before closing her eyes and letting the joy she felt wash over her, lulling her into a peaceful sleep. 

+

Jo wakes to small cries and the sound of someone singing softly. The cries lessen as the singing gets a little louder, the rough melodic voice singing some rock song that was not appropriate lullaby music. Sitting up in bed, she lets her eyes adjust before making out the silhouette of Alex rocking their two week old son to sleep. 

“Is he hungry? I can take him,” Alex’s head popped up in surprise at Jo’s voice, his face illuminated by the low light shining from the kitchen. 

“No, he’s almost back down. I gave him a bottle already,” Alex rocked back and forth a few more times before smirking up at Jo. “You go back to sleep, you need it.”

Settling her head back into the pillows, Jo watched both boys for a few minutes until Alex settled the baby back into his bassinet. Satisfied that the infant was going to stay down, he crawled back into bed and pulled Jo into his arms, “I thought I told you to go back to sleep.”

“Mmm yeah but you and Max looked too cute,” one hand trailed up to Alex’s face as Jo snuggled against him. “Besides it gets cold in here without you.”   
  


A chuckle left Alex as his hands wrapped around Jo, bringing her flush against his chest as his lips brushed a kiss against her hair, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jo settled her head against Alex’s chest, letting the steady beat of his heart calm her own body. 

Jo’s eyes close again, her mind drifting to think of Luna, of the concern she’d had that her son might end up alone and scared like she had been. She knew that the little girl was probably sleeping in her crib at home, her mom healthy and snoozing beside her, the thought comforting her slightly. As she thought of Alex and the way he cared so deeply about her and Max, Jo knew she’d never have to worry about either of them being alone again. 


End file.
